Strict Standards: mktime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 24

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 30

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 32

Strict Standards: mktime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 24

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 30

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 32
The Trainee Priest : ROTFLMAO.co.uk

Strict Standards: mktime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 24

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 30

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 32

Strict Standards: mktime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 24

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 30

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 32


Strict Standards: mktime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 24

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 30

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 32
Feb


Strict Standards: mktime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 24

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 30

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 32
3

The Trainee Priest


Strict Standards: mktime(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 24

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 30

Strict Standards: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected 'Europe/Berlin' for 'CET/1.0/no DST' instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions.php on line 32
February 3, 2007 |


Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /homepages/25/d92173464/htdocs/rotflmao/wp-includes/functions-formatting.php on line 83

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm and the congregation looked pleased as they left.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
 
1. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

2. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

4. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

8. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

9. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me”

11. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry,”

12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub.”

13. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.

...

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