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Here is the recipe for a traditional whisky cake:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar lemon juice
4 large eggs nuts
1 bottle Johnnie Walker whisky
2 cups of dried fruit


Sample the Johnnie Walker to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the whisky again.

To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.


Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. To make sure the whisky is still OK, try another cup.

Turn off the mixerer. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whisky.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or something. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and put in the fridge. Turn the cake tin 350 defrees

Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl through the window.

Check the whisky again and go to bed, make another cake tomorrow, …using vodka or brandy instead.

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