http://www.rotflmao.co.uk Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off Wed, 24 Sep 2008 18:03:59 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Lyrics to the track "I WILL SURVIVE!". Sing along now... At first I was afraid, I was petrified, When you said you had 10 inches Lord, I almost died. But I'd spent o' so many nights just waiting for a man that long, That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on. . . But there ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/16/i-will-survive/ A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/22/cia-training/ I have a spelling chequer, It came with my pea sea, It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye cannot sea. When eye strike a quay, I weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar wright It shows me strait aweigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two late And eye ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/14/pc-spell-checker/ 50 things women can't do 1. know anything about a car except its colour 2. understand a film plot 3. go 24 hours without sending a text message 4. lift 5. throw 6. run 7. park 8. fart 9. read a map 10. rob a bank 11. resist Ikea 12. sit still 13. tell a joke 14. play pool 15. pay for dinner 16. eat a ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/20/50-things-that-women-cannot-do/ How to speak about WOMEN and be politically correct: 1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN. 2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. 3. She is not BLONDE - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. 4. She has not BEEN AROUND - ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/24/lessons-in-political-correctness/ Hi-tech virus If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it IMMEDIATELY. do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase  everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/08/virus-alert/ The Englishman's wife steps up to the first tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt right up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/07/on-the-ladies-tee/ A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.   "Where does poo come from?" she asks.   The father, feeling a little anxious that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a moment and says:   "Well you know we just ate ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/03/how-poo-is-made/ A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/03/the-trainee-priest/ "My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven" - David Beckham "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league" - Mark Viduka "Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the ... http://www.rotflmao.co.uk/03/say-it-like-a-footballer/